When I first found out I was pregnant with Frankie I thought I would wait to find out his sex. I just always thought that’s what I would do. But, by the time my 20 week ultrasound rolled around, I surprised myself. After the ultrasound, Joe and I barely made it to the parking lot before opening the sealed envelope the technician had given us containing our baby’s sex. We had asked for the envelope in the off-chance we would want to find out. During Frankie’s ultrasound, I thought that I had caught a glimpse of a “member” after I briefly turned towards the screen when I wasn’t supposed to. Looking may have been a Freudian slip. In the end, curiosity and a need for confirmation got the best of me (and Joe) and we decided that we had to know the sex of our baby.
When I opened the envelope and read “Boy!” a huge part of me couldn’t believe it. In all honesty, I expected that I would only ever have girls. I thought this for three reasons:
- I’m one of 3 girls, so I just assumed this girl streak would continue.
- I didn’t talk to boys until I was approximately 20 years old. So what the heck do I know about boys?
- Science and logic failed to exist in my brain when making a prediction about my baby’s sex.
In hindsight, our decision to find out came from a mixture of pure excitement and pure fear. We were embarking on parenthood for the first time and knowing Frankie’s sex gave us an element of what to expect. It helped us feel a shred of control in the otherwise uncontrolled experiment of parenthood.
Since finding out about baby number two, I’ve wondered many times whether I’m having a boy or a girl. I’ve also envisioned Frankie with a baby brother and a baby sister. I’ve been asked a million times if I know, or want to know the sex of the baby. But, this time around, I’ve surprised myself again.
I feel incredibly excited about another baby, but I feel much calmer than the first time around. I think this calmness has made me feel like it would be really fun to wait to find out. I’m not completely decided yet, because, well, I’m an indecisive person.
This time I don’t have an envelope with the sex of the baby, but I do already have a message sitting on my phone in which our midwife states the sex of the baby. We asked for this, again, in the off-chance we decide to find out. (I completed an early blood screen that is also able to determine the sex of the baby).
Here are some advantages we thought of if we were to wait to find out:
It’s the most amazing surprise ever.
Don’t have to deal with “gendered”advice and gifts early on.
Avoid any kind of gender disappointment (because when they hand you your baby, any concern or fears about having a girl or a boy just disappear).
Increasing excitement as we get closer to the due date (this happens no matter what though).
Here are some advantages we thought of it we were to find out:
Planning (although I don’t want to be too “gendered” in how I prepare).
Feeling mentally ready for having a child of a specific sex.
Potentially feeling more attached to the baby while pregnant by knowing more information about him or her.
Thinking of names.
Not feeling disappointed if someone accidentally says the sex of the baby (this happened to a few friends of mine during their ultrasounds).
Doing something different for this baby.
Either way, only time will tell with what we decide to do.
For the record I think I’m having another little boy because this pregnancy has felt very similar to my first. Which, apparently doesn’t matter, but science and logic never have any baring in my prediction of such things.
p.s. Joe thinks it’s a girl.
If you’ve been in this position, what did you decide to do?